


Aegis

by Lir_Soracia



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Magnus Bane, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, BAMF Magnus Bane, Beating, Comfort/Angst, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mating Bond, Mpreg, Murder, Nightmares, Omega Alec Lightwood, Omega Verse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Magnus Bane, Protectiveness, Rage, Revenge, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-12-17 17:35:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21058313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lir_Soracia/pseuds/Lir_Soracia
Summary: Magnus was having mixed feelings about this job. On the one hand, it was for the Shadowhunters, which he hated. On the other hand, they would pay him well. Taking money from the Clave was always nice. And it should be simple enough, tracking a missing child. He had a soft spot for children, even Shadowhunter ones.As he walked into the building, he could never have guessed that within half an hour he would be full of rage and despair, ready to kill them all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nadja_Lee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/gifts).

> Many thanks to PhoenixStar73 and Nadja_Lee for their support, it means a lot to me.
> 
> Now this is, in many ways, a very dark fic, Magnus rescues Alec from a horrific situation, and they will have to deal with the impact of those things. READ THE TAGS. ALL THE TAGS. PLEASE. 
> 
> Take care of yourselves, seriously. There will be a lot of fluff in along with the angst, but the angst is unavoidable. The flashbacks and nightmares may be described in some detail, in which case I will add to the tags, and there will be content warnings on each chapter, but be aware this could get pretty intense and possibly graphic, so if you're not up for that, read something else. <3

Magnus was having mixed feelings about this job. On the one hand, it was for the Shadowhunters, which he hated. On the other hand, they would pay him well. Taking money from the Clave was always nice. And it should be simple enough, tracking a missing child. He had a soft spot for children, even Shadowhunter ones. 

As he walked into the building, he could never have guessed that within half an hour he would be full of rage and despair, ready to kill them all. 

But then, he wasn't expecting what he saw when he performed the simple tracking spell to find Maryse's son. A Lightwood, it just figured, but he couldn't hold it against the kid. He stood in Maryse's large office, ignoring the other Shadowhunters that had been granted entry for whatever reason, closed his eyes and quickly performed the spell, waiting through the slight dizziness until it connected with a location. 

Blue eyes was the first thing he saw, terrified eyes in a face full of pain. Someone had beaten the kid up pretty good, his face was covered in bruises, with a split lip. The vision pulled back and steadied a bit, and Magnus took in several things at once, feeling ill. 

The teenager he saw couldn't be 18 yet, maybe 16, but he was clearly several months pregnant. An omega. So many bruises, ugly ones. And he was drawing anti-tracking runes all around his hiding place, chanting, "I can't go back, I can't go back," over and over. A large unsheathed dagger lay next to him, apparently for protection. This boy, this  _ child, _ beautiful even in his pain, was not missing. He had obviously run away, and clearly had reason to.

Magnus felt rage from the darkest realm flooding through him, and for once, he welcomed it. He was suddenly, fiercely determined that  _ they would not, ever, get him back.  _

He let the spell go and opened his eyes, fixing furiously on Maryse, feeling red magic flare bright and hot around his hands. Gritting his teeth, he reined it in. 

"You lied to me," he said in a low, deadly voice. "That child is not missing - he's a runaway." A pregnant omega in pain and desperation that  _ they had clearly caused _ . And they wanted him back. How  _ dare  _ they? The haunted blue eyes floated in his mind's eye, and his alpha instincts roared.  _ Protect. Defend. Avenge.  _

"What difference does it make?" a nearby alpha said impatiently. "He's an omega slut who isn't where he belongs. He's mine, and I want him back." 

Slowly, Magnus turned to look at him, his eyes promising death, but the man inexplicably kept talking. He cracked his knuckles, with an ugly look on his face. "I'm gonna beat the shit out of him for pulling this stunt, the stupid bitch." 

"What if your brat miscarries then?" Maryse asked disapprovingly, her only form of protest. 

The alpha leered, not seeming to realise the danger he was in. "Then I'll put another one in him." 

Maryse sighed dismissively and turned back to Magnus. "The location, warlock, if you please," she said, her tone indicating that she fully expected to be obeyed. 

Magnus ignored her, gaze fixed on the arrogant alpha. The man who had raped and beaten a child without consequence, and planned to do it again. Had done that to  _ Alexander,  _ who was brave and beautiful and strong enough to run away, even though he'd clearly been driven to his physical and emotional limits _ .  _

How long had this been going on? Since Alexander presented, probably four or five years ago? Dear Lilith. Magnus hoped not, but he could see in the man's eyes that yes, he would have done that to someone so young, and it was entirely possible he had. 

Fuck the accords, he was going to kill this man. His hand shot out, magic swirling redly around it as he grabbed the man by the throat and squeezed, cruelly delighted by the way his face changed colors as he desperately tried to claw his way free. 

"You," Magnus said softly, but in the suddenly silent office it was loud. "You're the one who hurt him." Hurt was such a small, tiny, insufficient word. He squeezed harder, feeling the rage and the magic rising around him, immobilising both his target and anyone who might interfere. "I'll kill you," he promised. 

He saw the blue eyes again, and this time, it softened his rage a little. Just enough to remind him of priorities.  _ Protect.  _

Magnus didn't bother reining himself in more than that, letting the red magic continue to swirl around him as he turned his head, fixing Maryse with his glare, glamour long gone. To her credit, she turned pale and flinched. 

"And you," he said, equally quietly but fierce, "you let this happen to  _ your own son?  _ I didn't think it was possible for me to hate you more, and yet. I would kill you all if I didn't have more urgent things to do. I may just do it later." 

Someone behind him said in a strangled voice, "You would break the accords for an omega whore? He's good for nothing but fucking and breeding." 

_ Yes, I would.  _ He wasn't sure why, but he rather thought he would burn down the world for that boy. 

Raising his voice, Magnus said flatly, "Alexander Lightwood is now under my protection. I will not return him. Maryse - you do  _ not  _ want to go up against me. You will lose. If anyone from this institute follows him, tracks him, tries to find or harm or contact him, I will destroy you all. I will burn this institute to the ground, do you understand me?" 

His eyes burned with demonic rage, he could feel it roaring through his body, dark and hungry for destruction and vengeance, and held onto it with an effort of will. He had to get to Alexander, he didn't have time to destroy this place now. He let go of the man he was choking, dropping him without caring for the moment whether the man was dead or alive, and moved to the center of the room. 

"My father is a  _ Prince - of - Hell.  _ Remember that," he said grimly, letting the dark, demonic harmonies rumble in his voice, and watched in satisfaction as Maryse covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes terrified. It almost, but not really nearly, made up for seeing her son's the same way. 

Holding on tightly to his magic, he opened a portal to the place where he'd found Alexander, and quickly stepped through. He needed to get the boy to a safe place, now.  _ Protect. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: implied/mentioned rape/non-con, threats of suicide

Magnus appeared next to where Alexander was sitting on a blanket-covered pallet, immediately raising his hands appeasingly as the boy jerked away from him, scrambling for his dagger. 

"Hey, hey, easy," Magnus said soothingly. "I'm not here to hurt you." 

Alec moved lightning fast, before Magnus finished speaking the dagger was up - but not threatening Magnus. Instead it was pressed against his own throat. 

"I'm not going back!" he warned fiercely, glaring blue fire at Magnus' carefully reglamoured eyes. "I'd rather die," he spat, and he clearly meant it. 

"I'm not here to take you back, either," Magnus assured him. "That's the last thing I want." 

Alec watched him warily, one hand covering his rounded stomach, the knife at his throat never wavering. "Then why are you here?" 

"I'm here to help you," Magnus said smoothly, ignoring the soft snort of disbelief. "I want to take you someplace safe, and protect you from _them_." He couldn't help the slight sneer that accompanied the last word. "I told them all that you are under my protection, and I will destroy that institute if anyone from there tries to find or follow you. Maryse knows better than to test me." 

Alec's eyes went wide with shock, and he jerked back a little, jostling the blade against his throat. "You wh--... Who _are_ you?" he breathed, incredulous. 

"I'm Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn," Magnus told him, inclining his head with a faint smile. The wonder and disbelief on the boy's face was simply adorable. 

Alec took a deep breath, visibly pulling himself together, pushing the shock aside and frowning at Magnus, never letting up his grip on the dagger. 

"I'm here to help," Magnus promised softly, giving Alexander his most open and sincere gaze. "I can protect you, I swear I will, from anything, but most especially from your mother and her people, from the Clave if need be." 

The blue eyes blinked at him, still wary and clouded with suspicion. 

"You're a warlock," Alec pointed out. "Why would you want to help me? Why would you care about a random Nephilim?" He swallowed hard. "I'm not even a shadowhunter, I'm... nothing." 

Magnus paused, considering his words carefully. He dropped to one knee beside the boy's outstretched legs, careful not to touch him, but getting a little closer. 

"You're very far from nothing," Magnus told him gently, ignoring the way Alexander's face scrunched up in disbelief. "But... you're right, my desire to help you is not entirely altruistic. I hate Maryse Lightwood very much, you see, and I will do anything to make sure she doesn't get what she wants. That she _never_ gets you back." 

Alec considered that, both his eyes and his hand steady as he thought. "Maryse hates you," he said finally in tones of agreement. "She hates all downworlders, especially you. But... I think she hates me more," he added matter of factly, his eyes resigned. 

After the events of today, Magnus couldn't argue with that. 

"Come with me," he urged softly, holding out his hand. "I just want to keep you safe, give you a place to rest and eat and not have to worry about _them_ anymore." He knew he failed a bit at reining in his anger at the word 'them', his cat eyes flashing, but Alexander didn't seem to care. 

He was still studying Magnus with cautious blue eyes, the dagger at his throat trickling a thin line of blood. 

"You can't stay here," Magnus told him, "it's not safe." 

"And you just want me safe - and nothing else?" Alec asked skeptically, but the hand holding the dagger was hesitating, drawing back a little. "What about my baby?" he said grimly, his free hand covering his stomach protectively. Only the tremor in his hand on the dagger betrayed the fear behind the question. 

Magnus frowned a little. "What about it? You'll both be safe, I promise. Or if you don't want to keep it, you don't have to. Whatever you want. Nothing is going to happen to either of you that you don't want." He could tell Alexander didn't fully believe him, but he nodded slowly, finally lowering the dagger to rest beside him. 

"They - they were going to take it," Alec said softly, not meeting Magnus' eyes as he rubbed his belly in a self-soothing gesture. "That's why I had to... They were going to take my baby, and--and give me to someone else to breed again, but I would never get to keep them..." He shuddered a little, and then lifted his chin, looking fiercely at Magnus. 

"I won't let that happen," he growled. "I won't. I'd rather we both die than for them to get their hands on my child." 

Magnus exhaled hard, and tried desperately to hang on to his temper. His glamour burned away in the heat of it, but he fought down the magic, keeping it under control. 

"I should have killed them all," he said in a low, gutteral voice. 

Alec's eyes widened, and he stared in confusion for a minute. "You... really hate Shadowhunters, huh? Or is it just Maryse?" 

"Oh no, I hate all of them," Magnus agreed. "But I never had a good enough reason to break the accords before. Now, well... we shall see. But first we need to get you to a safe place."

Alec studied him curiously for a moment longer, then sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as he looked around the dilapidated, empty space of the abandoned building he was hiding in. 

"I thought Izzy might find me here," he murmured, half to himself. "But if she hasn't yet, she probably isn't going to. Maryse might've locked her up." He looked sad, and Magnus felt his heart lurch. 

"Who is that?" he asked softly, wondering how the boy even knew anyone in that hellhole that he actually wanted to find him, and the child he was so desperate to protect. Who could be worth the risk? 

"My sister, Isabelle," Alec answered, shrugging it off. "She's not in a good place either, but at least _she_ isn't being raped every day. Yet," he added sourly. 

Magnus knew he was going to regret asking. "Yet?" 

Alec shrugged again, still looking away. "Maryse wants to sell her off in a marriage contract with some old guy who has power in the Clave or something. She doesn't know the details, just that she'll be forced to marry them in a year or so. When she's sixteen." 

Magnus shook his head, hating Maryse more than ever, and promising himself to make an exception for Isabelle Lightwood whenever he destroyed the institute. 

"I'm sorry," he said gently, carefully laying a hand on Alexander's ankle and squeezing it comfortingly. 

And then he gasped in shock, freezing in place, overwhelmed by the sensations. 

Alec sat bolt upright, staring at him in fear, lifting the dagger again but not to his neck this time. 

"What is it?" he asked tensely, his gaze darting around in search of threats. "What's wrong?" 

Magnus swallowed hard. "Nothing," he managed. "Nothing's wrong, just.... unexpected." 

Alec looked at him in wary confusion, the dagger still held ready. "Unexpected," he repeated flatly. 

Magnus sighed. "Yes, I...Alexander, can't you feel that, where I'm touching you? A connection?" 

Still confused, Alec's eyes dropped to the hand on his ankle, as if he hadn't really noticed it before. Which was strange, given how wary he had to be of touch. 

"N-no...?" he said slowly. 

Magnus straightened a little, lips parting in surprise as he stared at the boy. He couldn't feel it, that was weird, but not as weird as... 

"Alexander, I think you might be my mate," he said carefully. He was pretty sure, but not completely. 

Alec looked up at him again, but his expression didn't change, mildly curious and mostly confused. "What's that mean?" he asked. 

Inhaling sharply, Magnus shook his head. They hadn't even told him? He didn't even know what that was? 

"Come with me?" he asked again, releasing Alec's ankle. "I'll explain everything, I promise, but I want to get you somewhere safe." Now more than ever. 

Searching his face for a minute, Alec finally shrugged and nodded. "Let's go, then," he agreed, sounding a bit resigned. He carefully got to his feet, picking up a duffle bag Magnus hadn't noticed before and slinging it over his shoulder, then grabbing the dagger before turning back to where Magnus stood waiting for him. 

Relieved, Magnus smiled at him and drew a portal, holding out his hand for the boy to take. With a slight hesitation, Alec did so, and Magnus drew him through the portal. 

It winked out behind them, leaving the crumbling building empty and deserted once more. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: mentioned/implied past rape/non-con

Magnus breathed a sigh of relief as they stepped into his loft through the portal, waving his hand to close it. 

"Here we are," he said contentedly, squeezing the hand he still held and turning to Alexander. "Welcome to my home," he said with a wide smile, gesturing at the space around them with his free hand. 

Alec had been looking around, his eyes wide and wondering, but he turned back at Magnus' words. "It's amazing," he said softly. "Like a dream or something - it's incredible." 

Magnus fairly beamed at him, delighted. "Thank you," he said warmly, feeling the compliments lodge somewhere deep inside him. 

Blushing a little, Alec looked down at their still-joined hands, but he didn't try to pull away.

"I want you to know that you don't  _ have  _ to stay here, at my place," Magnus said slowly after a moment. "If you'd rather, in a few days I can set up a safe house for you where you'll be comfortable enough. But... I would  _ much  _ prefer that you stay here, with me." 

Alec was silent, scrutinising his face with clear, curious blue eyes. The wariness hadn't entirely faded, but it was muted, now. 

"Uh-huh," he said finally, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. His eyes dropped to their joined hands again, and his fingers flexed in Magnus' grasp, but he still didn't pull away. "Maybe you better explain about this mate thing," he said dryly. 

"Right," Magnus said, flushing a little. Lilith, what was this boy doing to him? "Well, your mate is someone fated, destined for you, your perfect match, your ideal lover. Someone who will love you and who you can love more than anyone else ever could. Someone who will know all of you, and accept you for who you are, love everything about you. Someone literally made for you." He cleared his throat, feeling like he was rambling and not sure if Alexander was even following - his eyes were still fixed on their hands. 

"Everyone has a mate," Magnus continued, "and most people find theirs early in their lives - in their teens or twenties. Most warlocks find theirs in their first fifty to a hundred years." He paused, wavering a little, and had to swallow past the lump in his throat. 

"I have been waiting for you for almost 500 years," he admitted quietly. 

Alec's eyes widened and snapped up to meet his. "Five hundred... years?" he echoed dumbly, and shivered a little. "That's... a long time," he murmured, a shadow crossing his eyes before he lowered his gaze again. 

"It is," Magnus agreed, sighing a little. "I had begun to think there was just... no one out there for me. And then there was you," he noted softly, feeling a rather awed smile dawning on his face. 

Alec shifted uncomfortably, hunching his shoulders a little, but he still did not pull his hand away. Magnus immediately felt contrite, that was a lot to absorb and it was all new to the boy, it would take him some time to get used to the idea. 

"Come," Magnus offered, changing the subject as he released that surprisingly strong hand. "I'll show you where your room is, let you get settled in," he said as he led the way toward the guest room. 

Alec followed him automatically, then stopped, standing stock still and staring at him. "My... room?" he asked, sounding uncertain, with a thread of panic. 

Magnus turned in the doorway to look at him, startled. "Yes?" he answered, fiddling with his ear cuff, feeling worried and a little confused. "Did you not... want your own room?" 

"I... no, it's fine," Alec said hastily, rubbing the back of his neck again. "I just thought... you know, you'd rather have me uh, in your bed. For sex." His shoulders were tight, and he wasn't meeting Magnus' eyes. "But it's fine, wherever is fine." He waved a hand dismissively. 

Magnus studied him for a long moment, drawing a careful breath and choosing his words with great precision. 

"Alexander, look at me," he said softly, waiting until the boy looked up reluctantly, a faint blush colouring his cheeks. "You may sleep wherever you want, either beside me, or in your own room, but regardless, I will not have sex with you. Not ever, unless and until  _ you _ want it." 

"But..." Alec swallowed hard, his eyes a little wild with confusion. "Don't you want to? You -- you're keeping me in your home and I have no way to repay you, and you said mates are lovers, I just thought... you'd want that. I--" He shrugged one shoulder. "I wouldn't mind if it was you." 

Magnus took a deep breath, controlling himself tightly. Lilith have mercy, Alexander will be the death of him. "First of all, you owe me nothing. It is Maryse who owes me, and she will pay," he promised grimly. "And secondly..." His voice softened. "I do want that, but not like this. Not because you 'wouldn't mind'," he explained. "I want you to want me too, to want it so badly that it's all you can think about. And you aren't there yet, you may never be, and that's okay." 

Alec snorted softly, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and looking at the floor. "Sure," he muttered bitterly. "It's  _ fine.  _ You waited so long and you got me, fucked up and broken and used," he said harshly. "Sorry to disappoint."

"Alexander," Magnus said sorrowfully, hand fluttering out to touch him, and finally settling on his upper arm, squeezing gently. "I am not  _ disappointed.  _ I could never be disappointed with you."

Lifting his eyes in disbelief, Alec let his lip curl in displeasure at being lied to, but he didn't try to shrug off the hand on his arm. 

"I'm not disappointed," Magnus repeated, looking into his eyes. "I think you are beautiful, and strong, and brave. Special. I think you've been through fire, and come out as refined silver. I think nothing that was done to you was your fault, nor did you deserve it. I am angry, yes, at the way you were treated, the things you've had to go through break my heart. But I am not, in any way, disappointed with you. I--" He paused and decided not to say that. 

"You're a treasure that I am pleased to find, to keep and protect all my days." 

Sighing, Alec looked away again. He still looked doubtful, but he nodded a little. "Alright," he muttered. "Uh, carry on then, I guess." He gave a thin, almost-smile as he gestured to the room behind Magnus. 

"Right!" Magnus said brightly, turning with a flourish and snapping on lights as he entered the room, waving a hand to ensure it was free of dust. "It's big enough to double as a nursery," he explained, pointing out the space, "and we'll have to get a crib and stuff to put there, Catarina will know what we need." Speaking of... He pulled out his phone and sent her a quick, urgent text. 

"We can, of course, decorate however you want it," he added with an anxiety he wouldn't admit to, watching the boy standing just inside the room, unreadable blue eyes taking it all in. 

"Magnus," Alec said slowly, and Magnus felt a thrill run down his spine at the sound of his name. Somehow it had never sounded like that before. 

"You can't possibly - this is too much," Alec continued, a little desperately, both hands coming up to lay protectively over his stomach. "It's not your baby, you don't even want it, why would you - you  _ can't  _ want me to stay here and have my baby and make it a fucking  _ nursery,  _ in your home,  _ Raziel,  _ I can't--" He ran an agitated hand through his messy dark hair, tugging at it sharply, and the scent of distressed omega intensified. "Even if I'm your mate, especially if I'm your mate, I couldn't do that to you." 

"Shh," Magnus murmured, easing closer and laying a hand on his arm again, rubbing it soothingly. "Shhh, darling, it's alright. Your baby is important to me, because it's important to you. I will protect you both with my life, I swear it." 

Blue eyes met his, wide and fearful. He could feel Alexander trembling under his hand, and tried hard to project a calming alpha scent. 

"But it's not yours," Alec said miserably. "How could you ever... want to keep us, me and my rape baby," he snapped bitterly, "you might want me but you'll never want or love my child, and I - I'm  _ not _ giving it up, I'm not, I won't, so you might as well just... let us go," he pleaded, sounding close to tears. 

"Oh, Alexander," Magnus sighed sadly, fighting the urge to pull him into his arms. "I do want to keep you, and the baby comes with you. I know that. I would never ask you to give it up. So we will make the best of it, all three of us, hmm?" He squeezed Alec's arm comfortingly and then stepped back, waving at the room. 

"Get settled in," he suggested, "you must be exhausted, and hungry - I'll go see about some food for us. We can talk more about this later," he promised. 

Alec nodded tiredly, setting his bag on the end of the bed and laying the dagger carefully next to it. 

Magnus was nearly out the door when Alec's quiet voice stopped him. 

"Magnus?" Alec was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, obviously an old habit that wasn't quite used to making room for the baby bump. 

Magnus raised an eyebrow and waited, studying him curiously. 

"What - what made you think I'm your mate?" Alec asked finally, his voice barely more than a whisper. 

"Well," Magnus said consideringly, "there are two ways that people can recognise their mate." He held out a hand, waiting until Alec offered his own hand for him to grasp. "When we are touching, you said you don't feel anything? Nothing... odd? No connection?" 

Alec frowned, closing his eyes in concentration. "It feels...warm, kinda tingly," he said, shrugging. "That's all." 

"Are there words in it?" Magnus asked carefully. "Can you sense... any of my emotions?" 

Alec stared at him briefly, raising a skeptical eyebrow, and then he sighed, closing his eyes again. "I... I'm not sure," he said finally. "Maybe?" 

Heaving a sigh of his own, Magnus nodded. "When I touch you, it feels... bright, and vivid, like I'm touching your soul. I feel  _ you.  _ It says,  _ mate mate home safety love mine." _

Alec's eyes flew open, staring at him a little wonderingly. He shook his head in disbelief. "Oh," he said finally. "What - what's the other way?" 

"The other way is by scent," Magnus told him, dropping his hand and moving on from the puzzle of why Alec couldn't feel him with some effort. "Mates just... smell right to each other. Your mate's scent is like the best thing you've ever smelled, intoxicating and irresistible."

Sudden comprehension finally flashed in those blue eyes. Alec straightened, looking at him intently. "Is.... is that why you smell so good?" he asked, sounding almost breathless. "Angel, it makes me want to just..." He cut himself off and gestured vaguely at Magnus' neck, blushing deeply and hanging his head. 

Magnus suddenly had some trouble hanging on to his glamour. "You can, you know," he offered, holding out his arms. 

Alec peeked up at him through devastating eyelashes, and bit his lip. Slowly he lifted his head, eyes darting from Magnus' neck to his eyes and back again. Finally he moved, shifting closer and closer, hands wavering uncertainly before settling on Magnus' waist. Taking a deep breath, he leaned in the last little bit and pressed his face to Magnus' skin, burying it in the curve of his neck and his shoulder. 

For a moment he just stood there, as if afraid he would be pushed away, and Magnus carefully closed his arms around him, resting them loosely on his shoulders. Lilith, but he had nice shoulders. Then Alec relaxed all at once, shuddering a little, and nuzzled a bit at Magnus' skin, taking a deep, slow breath of his scent, again and again. 

"So good," he whispered, mostly to himself, and Magnus shivered at the drag of lips against his skin. 

They stood like that for a long, long few minutes, before Alec sighed and straightened, hastily pulling back and swiping at his eyes. 

"Thanks," he muttered, looking down. 

"Does it have words?" Magnus asked softly, his arms aching a little now that they were no longer full of warm sturdy Nephilim. 

"Y-yeah," Alec stammered in surprise, looking up and blushing a little. "Uh. Kind of. It's like...  _ home. safe. peace. hope. stay. _ "

Magnus just nodded, smiling at him and rocking back and forth on his toes, trying to contain his emotions. After all this time, he found his mate. It was a little unreal. 

"Well. Dinner," he said finally, forcing himself to move away. "It'll be about an hour. Make yourself at home," he said over his shoulder as he went, feeling a bit giddy when that got him a wry grin. The boy could smile! 


	4. Chapter 4

Alec let out a sigh once Magnus had left the room, and turned to survey the space that was now apparently his. He still felt uncomfortable with the whole idea, but Magnus seemed very genuine in wanting to help him, and it wasn't like he had anywhere else to go.

He wished he had Izzy here to talk to, thinking it might help him sort out what he was feeling, since he wasn't really sure. Magnus made him feel inexplicably safe, but he wasn't sure he could trust that, and more than safe he also felt... drawn in. Curious. A kind of wistfulness for everything Magnus seemed to be offering - too much, it was all too much.

Scrubbing a hand through his hair, he pushed his tangled thoughts aside. Magnus had said to make himself at home, and the first thing he wanted to do was get cleaned up.

Once showered and dressed in clean clothes he felt better, wandering out with still damp hair to find Magnus in the kitchen. He rubbed the back of his neck while he tried to decide how to word his request, but felt completely taken aback when Magnus turned and spotted him, making a soft noise that was awfully like a squeak.

"Did you just squeak at me?" he asked dubiously, squinting at Magnus.

Magnus flapped a hand at him, apparently speechless. "You - your hair! Is all -" Another hand wave. "And you're barefoot. Your feet are so cute!"

Alec stared blankly at him for a long minute. He had absolutely no idea how to respond to any of that. "Th-thanks?" he said finally, tucking his hands into his pockets and shifting his feet self-consciously, looking away. "Uh - I was wondering, if I could use your phone, I mean, if I - can I call Isabelle?"

"Of course, sayang," Magnus said gently, his expression softening. "If that's what you want. Just be careful." He pulled out his phone and handed it over, then snapped his fingers. A small card appeared in his hand, and he held it out to Alec as well. It was a business card of sorts, with contact info and an address.

"If you decide to give her the address," Magnus said slowly, "remind her not to write it down, or let anyone follow her."

Alec nodded, swallowing past an odd lump in his throat. Magnus was trusting him, rather a lot, to decide if Isabelle was safe to contact.

"I will," he assured Magnus, nodding hard. "I'll be careful." Magnus smiled warmly at him before returning to his cooking, and the smile _ did _things to Alec's insides, a curling twist and a flutter he didn't know what to do with.

Shaking his head a little to clear it, he took the phone and went to pace in the space between the kitchen and the living area, the large entranceway by the door. The rug beneath his feet looked expensive, but it was soft, and he absently curled his toes in it as he dialed Izzy's number and waited for it to ring. Hopefully Maryse hadn't taken her phone away.

"Hello?" It was Isabelle's voice, and he let out a breath of relief.

"Iz, where are you, are you alone?" He heard her suck her breath in sharply, and there was a moment of silence.

"I - I'm on patrol," she answered carefully, her voice shaking just a little bit. "Jace and I are..." Her voice faded as if she didn't know how to finish her sentence, and Alec interrupted, suddenly feeling impulsive.

"Don't tell him anything," he said, pleading, "but how fast can you get to Brooklyn? If I give you an address, could you...?"

"Fast, yeah," she agreed, sounding breathless. "It's not too far, I could come over. Jace will cover for me."

Alec frowned. He didn't know Jace that well, Maryse having isolated him once he presented as an omega, so he wasn't very familiar with his sister's parabatai. But he knew Izzy trusted him, and that would have to be enough, for now.

"No one can know," he insisted after he gave her the address, "what you're doing or where you're going, okay? Make sure no one follows you."

"I know, Alec," she told him in fond exasperation. "I'll be there in fifteen."

"Okay," he murmured, but she was already gone, the line dead and silent once more. He hoped he wasn't making a mistake. He didn't want to cause trouble for Magnus, and Izzy could bring trouble, but he missed his sister fiercely.

She had always been his only friend, the only one who loved him, the only one he could rely on to be on his side, to care about what happened to him. Growing up under Maryse's cold disapproval, they had only had each other for a very long time.

Izzy had always had more freedom than him, at least she had been allowed to complete her training and take runes, but she was an alpha female and Maryse hadn't wanted her either. She was continually verbally assaulted and beaten down, sometimes physically, and Alec knew it was hard for her, trying not to break.

Having Jace seemed to be good for her, but Alec still felt wary of him. Maryse approved of _ him, _gave him praise and affection as the golden son, preferred and protected, not subject to the kind of abuse that Alec and Izzy went through. Alec resented him for that, even though he knew it wasn't fair. It wasn't Jace's fault that Maryse hated her own children.

Sighing and pushing the thoughts away, Alec studied his feet for a moment, toes digging in to the soft carpet once again. He wondered vaguely how feet could be cute and why Magnus would think that, they just looked like ordinary feet to him.

It made him feel odd, that Magnus had been looking at him that way, noticed and said something about his appearance. Magnus was attracted to him, he reminded himself, at least that was what he had gathered from their conversation earlier, and the thought brought a curious ache in his chest.

Alec had never really been attracted to anyone, had never felt the need and drive and _ want _that people talked about - even during his heats, when his body needed so badly, he never had wanted a specific person, or even a person at all. Toys would have done fine for him, if he had been allowed to choose.

But Magnus.... there was something about him that made Alec feel things, unfamiliar and kind of terrifying things, things that made him think he might be beginning to understand _ want. _ When he looked at Magnus he vaguely, distantly wanted _ something, _he just wasn't sure what it was.

To stay near, perhaps. Even, if he was dreaming, to belong. He couldn't belong, it was stupid and dangerous to even think that, but the way Magnus had explained mates... it sounded like belonging. Like keeping. Magnus had said he wanted to keep him, but how could he possibly mean that? Alec couldn't afford to believe it.

Running a hand through his hair, he sighed heavily and wandered back to the kitchen to return Magnus his phone.

"Thanks," he said gratefully, feeling better for just having heard his sister's voice.

"Not at all, sayang," Magnus told him, smiling softly. "I'm glad you have someone who cares about you."

A little surprised, Alec nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets and looking down. "What does..." He had to clear his throat, and felt himself blushing. "What's that mean?" he asked, risking a peek up at Magnus through the fringe of his hair. "S-sayang?" Why was Magnus calling him that?

Magnus was visibly startled, pausing with his mouth open, then closing it again, and finally turning without saying anything to attend the stove, shutting it off.

"I didn't realise," he murmured, half to himself, then shook himself and resolutely turned back to look at Alec. "It's Indonesian," he said carefully, and for the first time his eyes were wary, as if he were afraid of Alec's reaction. His hands fluttered restlessly at his sides, as if he wanted to brace himself and had nothing to lean on, nothing to grip.

Alec waited, a little confused. He didn't like Magnus being unsure or uncertain, it felt wrong. Was the word important? He'd thought it was just a random nickname in another language, but... it seemed to be more.

"Just a pet name," Magnus said lightly, as if he were trying to brush off his own reaction. "It means beloved," he finished, waving a hand as if to dismiss the conversation as unimportant.

That... wasn't what Alec was expecting, and he fumbled for a response, eyes wide as he automatically shuffled back a bit, trying to process the unexpected flare of warmth inside of him, and the simultaneous cold sinking feeling as he realised that it was just... a pet name, like Magnus had said, it didn't mean anything.

Of course Magnus didn't actually love him, that was ridiculous, they barely knew each other. It was just an affectionate word in his native language, that was all. And that... that was fine, affection was nice, Alec could deal with affection. Probably.

"Oh," he managed to say finally, after the silence had stretched a bit and Magnus had started fiddling with his rings. "Okay, that's... that's okay." He met Magnus' eyes apprehensively, giving him a tentative smile.

Magnus smiled back, looking relieved, and shrugged a bit. "I confess I am a bit too free with pet names, they just come easily to me, in whatever language... everyone is 'darling' this or 'sweetheart' that." He winked, then, and Alec blushed again.

"I - I don't mind," he admitted, feeling his heart thump hard with the confession. He liked it, to be honest, having never been around someone who was open and free with their affections. Someone who, somehow, _ liked _him, and wasn't afraid to show it.

"That's good," Magnus said contentedly, giving him a smile he couldn't interpret, but it made a curl of warmth twist and expand in his stomach.

Changing the subject then, Magnus moved to wave a hand at the table, which now was set and ready for a meal - three places. "Shall we wait for your sister before we eat?"

Alec nodded, then cleared his throat to actually respond. "Y-yeah, she should be here any minute," he agreed.

"Alright," Magnus said, turning back to study him with a curious light in his eyes.

Alec watched him back, a bit puzzled, but oddly not feeling uncomfortable. Magnus' eyes on him felt warm and light, like a faint caress, it made him want to relax in spite of himself. To feel safe.

After a moment Magnus reached up, his hand hovering near Alec's face. "May I?" he asked softly, and Alec just nodded, his breath catching sharply as Magnus' fingers sank into his hair, combing and straightening, gently brushing it back into some kind of order. It felt... _ good, _really good, and Alec felt the ache in his chest intensify.

"You are so lovely," Magnus murmured, his fingertips drifting down Alec's temple and his cheek, knuckles brushing at his jaw. Just gently, just barely there, a whisper of touch. Alec shivered, and found that he suddenly, madly, _ wanted _it - for that light touch to linger, to be more sure, to have weight.

But he said nothing, merely shaking his head in denial of the words. It was absurd, calling him lovely. Magnus was delusional. He opened his mouth to tell him so, to insist and to argue, but he was saved by the buzzer at the door.

"Izzy!" he exclaimed, pulling away from Magnus and hurrying toward the door. Magnus followed more sedately, confirming her name on the intercom and unlocking the doors to let her through.

Alec waited impatiently for her to reach the top floor, why did Magnus have to live in a penthouse, honestly, and he paced and fidgeted.

Magnus reached out carefully, slowly - as he always did, giving him warning and time to avoid it - and laid a hand on Alec's back, rubbing gently up and down his spine. Warmth tingled into his body from the touch, and he stilled under it, allowing it to calm and settle him, just for a little bit.

"There she is," Magnus murmured a moment later, waving a hand at the door, which opened by itself. There stood Izzy, breathless and practically vibrating with excitement.

"Alec," she whispered, wringing her hands as if she weren't sure she was welcome. Her gaze flicked back and forth between them, and Magnus dropped his hand from Alec's back and stepped back a bit, silently giving her space and permission.

"Oh Alec, I've been so worried," she choked out, rushing forward and throwing her arms around him.

"Shhh," Alec told her, catching her easily and folding her in a tight hug, stroking her hair as he rocked her back and forth. The door closed silently behind them, but he paid no attention to anything but his sister in his arms.

"I'm fine, Izzy, I'm okay I swear," he promised, kissing the top of her head. "I got away and I'm not going back, and.... and Magnus is helping me," he admitted, swallowing hard. To confess to trusting someone he'd just met was hard, but somehow he did trust Magnus, felt.... _ something _that told him Magnus was sincere and wouldn't hurt him.

"I'm glad you got away," she sniffled against his shoulder, "but what are you going to do? You're not safe, are you hiding? Aren't they going to come after you?"

Magnus cleared his throat, shifting slightly to remind them he was there. "No one will be coming after him, Isabelle," he said gently. "Alexander is under my protection, and I made sure everyone knew it. Maryse knows better than to cross me," he assured her.

Isabelle looked at him with wide eyes, still clinging to her brother, but relaxing a little under their assurances. "You're a warlock," she said tentatively, "why... why would you do that? Why help one of us?"

Sighing a little, Magnus looked away, then smiled at her wryly. "It's a little bit complicated," he told her, "but it seems that.... Alexander is my mate."

Alec stiffened a little, not sure how he felt about that or about Izzy hearing it, but she gasped and moved away a little, both hands flying to her mouth as she looked back and forth between them.

"By the Angel," she breathed. "Are you.... are you sure? It's really... you found him? He's the one?"

So Izzy had been told, had known what it was. Only Alec had been kept in the dark, not even allowed to think there might be someone, something else out there for him. Not even having the chance to dream of someone who would care for him and want to keep him and not just use his body. Now, this felt like a dream, and he wasn't sure he could trust it.

But Magnus moved a little closer, and laid a hand on Alec's back again, a warm and soothing touch as he answered Isabelle, his voice certain and steady. "I'm sure," he said. "I'm his mate, and I'll do everything in my power to protect him - which is a considerable amount, given who I am."

"The High Warlock of Brooklyn," Alec murmured, remembering Magnus introducing himself.

"Well, yes," Magnus agreed, but he shifted uneasily, sounding hesitant as his hand dropped from Alec's back, leaving a chill behind. He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly, looking from one to the other of them and fixing his eyes on Alec's, letting his glamour fall. "Not just that, but who my father is. He's a Prince of Hell - I may be half demon, but he is a fallen angel, and the power I have available to me is...more than enough, to crush your institute into dust if they dare to defy me."

"Oh," Izzy whispered, and she went on to say something else, but Alec couldn't hear her, too lost in the golden eyes that were gazing at him with wariness and hope. They were beautiful - Alec had only seen glimpses of them before, but the full effect was mesmerising. And they were afraid, Magnus was afraid of his reaction.

Alec bit his lip, and reached out tentatively to lay a hand on Magnus' cheek, feathering his thumb across the high cheekbone - not even sure what he was doing, but wanting to erase that fear and uncertainty.

"I trust you," he said finally, his voice low and rough. He didn't know why, but he did. "It doesn't matter who your father is, not to me."

Magnus closed his eyes, slumping in relief as he turned his face into the touch, taking a soft, careful breath that trembled.

"I know," Magnus said carefully, and his eyes were brown again, "that we've barely met, and you have a lot to deal with already, but... I meant it when I said you are a treasure to me. I want to...I would do anything for you, I would take on the world to keep you safe. You are... so important to me, you can't imagine."

His voice was quiet and restrained, almost cautious, but there was something fierce in his eyes, and Alec felt it deep inside him, a tugging ache of longing. How could he mean that, Alec wondered, his hand trembling where it rested on Magnus' cheek.

He could hear Izzy squealing with excitement and cooing over them, but he was caught in that fierce, determined gaze, frozen and unsure of what he was feeling. Magnus kept saying these things, offering... too much, and it frightened Alec, how much he wanted it. To belong, to stay, for Magnus to keep him. Them.

How could that possibly be true? But Magnus smelled safe, home, surrounded him with a calming yet intoxicating scent, and Alec _ wanted. _ To believe, to trust, to accept this crazy thing he'd never dreamed could happen. Someone _ for _him, someone who wanted and cared about him and not just his body.

"I..." He had to clear his throat. "I'll stay. I'll let you... I'll stay." For now, anyway. For as long as Magnus wanted him, though he couldn't convince himself it would last. That was just a dream, surely. He ducked his head and pulled back, letting his hand drop, and Magnus let out a little sigh as if he missed it.

Alec peeked up at him and gave him a tiny smile, and Magnus smiled back, wide and warm and affectionate.

"Alright!" he said, clapping his hands together and turning to Isabelle. "You're just in time for dinner, my dear, why don't you join us?" He waved both of them through to sit down, moving the pot of stew from the stove to the table and taking his own seat with a flourish.

Izzy caught and squeezed Alec's hand under the table, meeting his eyes with a glance that was wide and delighted. He gave her a warning look, but she only laughed, and the sound of tugged up the corner of Alec's mouth in spite of himself.

"This smells wonderful," she declared, turning her attention to Magnus, and he fairly beamed at her.

"Just a good, hearty stew," he told her, "your brother needs some meat on his bones!" His tongue clicked in mock disapproval, and he winked at Alec.

Alec blushed, and wished to Raziel he would stop doing that. Magnus just... flustered him with the flirting and the easy affection, he didn't know how to react.

"It's good," he mumbled, taking a bite, focusing on eating so he wouldn't die of too much Magnus. He felt like he could combust if he kept looking into those twinkling eyes, eyes that held and promised and said too much.

How could he truly believe that Magnus wanted to _ keep _ him, to stay and _ belong? _The question troubled him in the back of his mind even as he listened to Izzy's chatter, her and Magnus getting along famously it seemed, and Alec was required to contribute little to their conversation, content to listen and slowly relax.

However long it lasted, this was a place for him, a safe place, and he could rest here. It was enough for the moment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: flashbacks, mentions of rape/non-con, nothing explicit

The conversation between Magnus and Izzy eventually slowed to a lull, and Izzy looked at Alec as if she was checking he was alright. He didn't really blame her, he knew his worried she had been.

He squeezed her hand under the table and tried to give her a reassuring smile, but she remained quiet, staring at him thoughtfully.

"You could have told me you were leaving, you know, I would have helped you, or gone with you, we're a team, Alec. I thought something had happened to you, you'd been kidnapped or something, maybe Roger had finally killed and disappeared you..." Her voice trembled a little, her fingers tangling tighter with his. "I was really scared. That you were hurt or... or dead."

Alec immediately felt guilty, he hadn't thought much about how it would look to her when he left, he'd had vaguely thought that she'd know he'd run away, but her fears made sense.

"I'm sorry, Iz, I didn't really... it wasn't exactly planned, I just saw my chance and took it, I didn't have time to tell you about it, I just had to get out while I could. I didn't realise you would think that... it was something worse," he admitted, a little shamefaced.

"I know," she murmured, brushing away a tear at the corner of her eye.

"Roger? Is that the alpha who was abusing you?" Magnus asked in a careful, tense voice.

"Yes," Izzy answered before Alec could decide what he wanted to say. "Roger Whitestone, he's always been a creepy asshole but since he got his hands on Alec, he's been... worse," she said, grimacing and twisting her napkin in her hands. "He's so violent, and his temper goes off about the stupidest things, Alec couldn't do anything right with him and I've always been afraid that one day he might actually...beat him to death." Her breath caught, and she shook her head, speechless.

"I - I didn't know," Alec said, stricken, and he stared at his sister with a thick feeling of shame crawling up the back of his throat.

"Where is he now? Is he dead?" Magnus asked in the same tense voice, something hard and deadly behind it, and Alec blinked.

"W-why would he be dead?" he asked in confusion, looking from Magnus to Izzy and back again.

Magnus didn't answer right away, his eyes intent on Izzy as he waited, flashing gold repeatedly as if he were having trouble controlling his emotions.

"I heard... he's in the infirmary," Izzy said slowly, a little bit puzzled as well. "That was you? You did that to him?"

Magnus gripped the edge of the table until his knuckles turned white. "I nearly strangled him to death, I had hoped he was dead, but I didn't have time to check. He...made the mistake of talking in front of me," he explained, nostrils flaring in rage at the memory, "saying what he was going to do to the omega slut that supposedly belonged to him."

Alec stared at him, trembling a little. "Why... why would you do that?" he asked, hardly aware he was speaking aloud, his thoughts too jumbled. He knew exactly the kind of things Roger would have said, he said them to his face all the time, but why would Magnus care? "No one ever cared what he said," Alec continued numbly, "not since..." He flinched violently and stopped speaking, staring at his hands where they were twisted around each other.

Not since the first time Maryse had given him to Roger, leading him into the room where Alec was going into heat, and letting him say whatever he wanted as he prepared to rape her son for the first time. Thankfully she hadn't stayed to watch, but she had seen him naked with his ass dripping with slick, his body almost begging for it as the large man took his cock out and stroked it, assuring Maryse that he would fuck the slut good and take care of him, make sure he was a good little omega and breed him up, and on and on.

Then Maryse had left, but the words hadn't stopped, they never stopped, Roger was always talking, talking, during sex and after sex and during beatings, always turned on and telling Alec what he was going to do to him and how he was a filthy whore who was going to love it, just take it and take it, and Alec hated himself because he did, he always took it because he didn't know what else to do. He had no allies, no options, nowhere to go. His mother had made clear to him that this was his life as an omega, the only thing he was good for was breeding, so he had better be good for the alphas he was given to.

The memories washed over him until he was shaking with it, unable to hear the voices of Izzy and Magnus trying to pull him out of it. He felt lost and overwhelmed, until a warm pressure tingled on his back, and a firm, gentle grip wrapped around his arm. Magnus, his mind identified, without him really seeing at first.

"Magnus," he breathed, and reached up, flailing a bit until his hand landed on a strong shoulder and he squeezed it hard. He looked up to meet two pairs of worried brown eyes, and sighed heavily. "I'm fine," he assured Izzy, "I'm fine."

"No you're not," she sighed, but she smiled kindly, stroking his hair a little.

"I'm truly sorry," Magnus told him apologetically, "I wasn't thinking about how that could be triggering for you. The things he said - he did that a lot?"

Alec just nodded. He felt grounded, now, with Magnus' hands on him, and he wondered if that was because of the mate thing.

"Ever since... the first time," he said finally, shivering, "he just said anything he wanted to do to me, in front of anyone, and no one ever cared. Maryse just left him to it. Let him 'rape me like a whore' as he said."

Magnus made an inarticulate sound of rage, his eyes bright gold and blazing with fury and pain. "I'll kill him," he swore again, "I'll kill all of them, I will destroy them for this."

Alec just stared in confusion, and Izzy shifted cautiously, a little afraid of Magnus in this state, red magic beginning to seep from his fingers.

"You can't break the accords, Magnus," she warned him. "You could start a war! In any case the Clave would hunt you down and I don't think even you could take on an army alone."

"Fuck the accords," he growled, sounding barely human. His eyes were still fixed on Alec's, unwavering. "They hurt _my_ mate so badly, and no one stopped them. I will crush them all."

Isabelle sighed in exasperation. "I _understand_, he's my brother too and I want them to suffer as much as you do, but let's be smart about this. Let's destroy them without the Clave finding out who did it."

Magnus seemed to think about that, the magic fading from his hands, and his lips tightened as he tilted his head in acknowledgement. "I _want_ them to know who did it," he said stubbornly, glancing at her and then back at Alec. "I want _everyone_ to know what happens when you hurt someone I love."

_Someone I love._ Alec had been listening in confusion, not understanding why Magnus was so angry, until he'd said 'my mate' and then it made a little more sense, it was probably an instinctive, territorial thing. But this - the words poured down over his head like warm honey, coating him in a heavy lassitude that he struggled against. Magnus didn't love him, he couldn't, why was he saying that?

"You don't love me," he heard himself saying from very far away. He pulled free of their hands, standing up and moving away, wrapping his arms around himself. Without that grounding touch he found himself shaking again, but he didn't want any comfort from lies.

The touch came anyway, a careful hand on his arm, turning him back to face Magnus, and then a very tentative hand on his cheek, cradling his face. He felt a little more in his own body immediately, but alarmed and confused, his eyes flying up to meet Magnus' gaze.

His glamour had fallen when he had gotten so angry, and he'd apparently forgotten it - it was still down, and his golden eyes were fierce and earnest.

"I knew you weren't ready to hear it, I'm sorry about that, but I do love you, sayang, I feel so much for you. I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you, before I even knew you were my mate. I wanted to protect you and keep you and never let anything happen to you again. When I found out you were my mate, I just felt relieved and overjoyed, because it meant that you might let me, might feel the same someday. I know it's hard for you to believe, but I love you, more than anything in the world."

Alec shivered under the weight of the words, caught in that golden gaze and not sure at all what he was feeling. He felt warm inside that Magnus apparently believed what he was saying, and sad because there was no way it could last. It was just too much, and to his horror he felt tears burning in his eyes.

"You shouldn't," he whispered. "You don't even know me, I'm not... I'm not worth it."

Magnus made a soft crooning sound, shifting so both of his hands were gently cupping Alec's face, and the tears spilled over.

"I know enough," Magnus told him as his thumbs brushed at the tears. "You are very much worth it, sayang, you are worth everything. You don't have to feel any particular way about it, but I love you and I don't want you to doubt that. I'll love you forever."

Alec cried harder, not even sure why, and Magnus slowly tipped him forward to rest against his shoulder, sliding his arms around to hold him carefully, like he was precious.

"Shhh," he murmured, "it's alright, sayang, let it out."

Alec buried his face in his shoulder and hung on, feeling like he might fly apart if Magnus wasn't holding him. He didn't deserve this at all, not any of it, and what would he do when Magnus figured that out?

He was vaguely aware of Izzy moving in behind him, hugging him too, but mostly he was focused on Magnus' lips against his neck as he continued to say soft, soothing things. He wished he could believe a word of it.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday to me~! it's my birthday today, so y'all get an extra chapter... I had planned to update Born to Make You Happy first, but this happened instead. it's mostly fluff, tbh, Catarina and baby stuff, before I hit them with angst in the next chapter, ahaha. ;) love you all, thanks so much for reading, and I appreciate every comment and kudos. thanks for all your support! <3
> 
> CW: mentions of rape/non-con

Isabelle left after that, all of them being emotionally exhausted, and Magnus now regretted a little his text to Catarina, but what was done was done.

"I know you're exhausted," he told Alec, "but if you can stay awake a little longer, I asked my friend Catarina to come over when she gets done at work, she should be here very soon. I want her to look at your injuries, and also check on the baby... is that okay?" He didn't want Alec going to bed with all those bruises and probably some fractures if the way he moved was any indication.

Alec just stared at him with wide eyes, the blue tinged with red since he'd been crying, and his hands moved to cover his stomach instinctively.

"I'm fine," he said automatically, "but I guess..." He looked down, visibly struggling with something. "It would be good to find out," he mumbled at last. "I haven't been checked out yet, they said I didn't need it."

He sounded guilty and ashamed, and Magnus reached out to squeeze his arm reassuringly. "It's not your fault," he said gently. "Catarina does excellent work, she'll check everything out and then we'll both feel better, okay?"

Alec looked at him oddly. "Why would you feel better?" he asked, bemused.

"Because there could be complications that would be dangerous to you as well," Magnus pointed out, "especially since you've never been looked at, and you've been taking beatings while you're pregnant." He growled a little in the back of his throat. "I'm going to kill him _slowly_," he decided. "Beating a pregnant omega..." He shook his head incredulously. Shadowhunters were barbaric. The way they treated omegas was only more proof.

Alec shook his head, shuffling his feet uneasily. "It was my fault," he said as if he couldn't help it, despite knowing the reaction it would get. "I made him mad."

Magnus gave him a look of pure disbelief. "You know better than that," he growled. "According to your sister everything made him mad, it wasn't anything you did."

"I... guess," Alec said hesitantly, but he relaxed a little. "Is... is your friend a warlock?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Catarina? Yes, she is, not quite as old as me but much wiser," Magnus answered, smiling a little, and then a little wider when Alec smiled too. "She works as a nurse at the mundane hospital, using her talent for healing to help her patients there."

Alec nodded, a little tense but looking interested. "Have you known her a long time then?"

"Oh yes," Magnus assured him, "I saved her life once, about 300 years ago, and we've been the best of friends ever since." More seriously he added, "Catarina, and our friend Ragnor are my family. Warlocks don't have true families, so we make our own."

"Oh," Alec murmured. "I never thought of that. I guess you wouldn't." He gave a tight smile. "I guess I've never had a true family either, except for Isabelle. I know it's not the same, but --"

Magnus shook his head, reaching up carefully to touch his face. "It's pretty much exactly the same," he said softly. "Your parents rejected and abused you for who you were, something you physically, genetically couldn't help. You do have a sister, and that is a wonderful grace that warlocks don't have, but it doesn't change the fact that you have nowhere to belong, nowhere that you come from."

Alec's face heated under the touch, but he only nodded, swallowing hard. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "That your parents hated you too."

"Oh, Alexander," Magnus said, smiling sadly at him. "You are going to be the death of me." He studied Alec appraisingly for a moment, noting that he was still fairly tense. "Are you nervous, about meeting Cat?"

Alec hesitated, then nodded a little. Magnus shifted and held out his arms. "Scenting is an important thing between mates," he explained, "it helps us feel calmer, more relaxed. If you want to, I am always here for you."

That took longer, but Magnus just waited, holding Alec's eyes with his own, reglamoured now, and finally Alec shifted toward him, slowly moving closer and slipping his arms around Magnus' waist, burying his face in the curve of Magnus' neck and taking a deep breath.

Magnus closed his arms around him, holding him gently as Alec slowly relaxed against him. He was nuzzling a bit and it felt good, really good, and Magnus struggled to hang on to both his hormones and his glamour.

They stood quietly like that for a long minute, Magnus just waiting him out until Alec pulled away. He had a slight flush on his cheeks as if he were a little embarrassed, but the tension had gone out of him so Magnus decided to take that as a win.

"I'm going to make a pot of tea for us," he said, rubbing his hands together. "What kind would you like?"

"Uh, I don't know?" Alec answered, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "I haven't really paid attention to what kind of tea I like, they only have a couple of kinds at the institute anyway."

Magnus clucked his tongue in disapproval. "Heathens," he noted, spinning on his heel and heading for the kitchen. He could just do it with magic, of course, but he enjoyed the process of making tea, and there was time. He did, however, snap his fingers to clear the dinner table as he went. "Find a comfortable seat," he called over his shoulder, "I'll just be a minute!"

He decided on raspberry, that being a favourite of Cat's, and quickly brewed a strong pot of tea, humming to himself as he worked. It had been a crazy, exhausting roller coaster of a day, but it was worth it. He found Alexander, found his _mate_, and that was worth anything.

"Here we go," he announced as he carried the tea tray into the living area, setting it on the coffee table and sitting down on the couch next to Alec. He poured a cup for each of them and handed one to Alec, taking a sip of his own with a contented sigh.

"It's good," Alec said, sounding surprised. He shifted slightly in his seat, as if he couldn't decide whether or not to get closer or farther away.

Magnus watched him for a moment, and then lifted his arm, holding it out so there was a space beside him. "Alexander," he said softly. "I would be happy to have you here." He tilted his head, waiting, while Alec gave him a startled look and then studied the space beside him with narrow eyes. They flicked to Magnus' face and back again, and then Alec looked down at his tea for a long moment, shaking his head, but the expression on his face wasn't exactly a denial, more of a struggle.

Magnus just waited, still and silent, and finally Alec moved, sliding over and into the space under his arm, sitting tense for a minute but gradually relaxing into Magnus' side. Magnus let his arm rest around his shoulders, and they sat there quietly waiting for Catarina, sipping their tea and not talking. Magnus himself felt his heart too full for talking, and he could only imagine what Alec was feeling. He doubted anyone had ever held him like this before, and it made his heart ache.

Eventually, five or ten minutes later, a portal opened across the room and Catarina stepped out, already talking. "What is going on, Magnus, I only have twenty minutes but you said--" Her voice cut off abruptly as she caught sight of them, her eyes widening as her eyebrows lifted to her hairline. "Magnus?"

Alec moved away from Magnus immediately, struggling a little not to spill his tea, and Magnus shifted forward to help him, bracing him as he scooted sideways.

"Hello, my dear," he greeted Catarina, giving her a wide smile. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

"Perhaps that would be best," Catarina said dryly as she surveyed them. Magnus knew it had been a very long time since she had known him to be snuggling with someone like that. He handed her a cup of tea, and she took a seat in a nearby armchair. "Now," she said again, "what is going on?"

Magnus sighed a little, he should have thought a little more about how to explain. "I got called to the Institute earlier," he began, "Maryse wanted me to track a missing child. She failed to say that he had run away, or that he'd been beaten to hell and obviously had a good reason to... when I tracked him and saw - Alexander," he said, nodding over at Alec, "I knew I couldn't let them have him back. I convinced him to come with me, and here we are."

"And I'm your mate," Alec said suddenly, his soft voice sounding stubborn. Magnus looked at him in surprise, he'd thought Alec still had pretty mixed feelings about that, but maybe he was starting to accept it?

"And he's my mate," Magnus agreed, looking over at Cat a little warily, not sure how she'd react. "I want you to take a look at his injuries, and also check on the baby? Please."

Catarina sat silently for a long minute, sipping her tea and just watching them with raised eyebrows. Gradually her face softened a little, and Magnus wondered what she was seeing.

"Well," she said finally, "congratulations, Magnus, I know you thought you'd never find him. I'm very happy for you both. I can certainly check you over and heal you, that's no trouble," she told Alec gently.

Alec nodded, fiddling with his empty teacup and, Magnus suspected, trying not to freak out. He reached over and slid a hand down Alec's arm, taking his hand and squeezing it. Alec took a sharp breath, his back straightening, and then he relaxed a little.

"Alright," Catarina said, finishing her tea and getting to her feet. "I don't have a lot of time, so let's see what we've got here." She crossed the room to stand in front of Alec, and Magnus magicked her some space to work and a hassock to sit on.

Nodding gratefully at him, she turned to Alec, all business now. "Can you take off your shirt?" she asked softly. Alec hesitated, but nodded, tugging his hand free and pulling the shirt over his head. Magnus had to stifle a gasp when he saw his back, covered with scars from beatings from, apparently, a wide variety of objects. Belts, whips, rods, Lilith knew what else.

The patterns of bruising Magnus had seen on his face and arms continued, covering his back and torso with multicoloured splotches. Catarina's face remained impassive, and she merely reached out with her magic and began to heal, first the bruises and then searching deeper inside.

"Some fractures here," she murmured as she scanned his ribs. "You've been through the wars, haven't you, kiddo?"

Alec looked uncertain, his hand twitching toward Magnus, and Magnus grasped it in his own again, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Okay," Catarina said finally, sitting back, "I need you to lay down now so I can get a look at your baby."

Alec looked at Magnus, as if unsure where he should lay, and Magnus simply reached out to help him, tugging him down to lay with his head in his lap. Alec's cheeks darkened again, but he made no form of protest, breathing shallowly as he waited for Catarina to begin. Magnus captured his hand again, and Alec hung on to it with a death grip.

"Just relax," Catarina told him, "this won't hurt a bit, I promise." She laid her hands over his rounded stomach, soft golden magic flowing out to surround him. She was silent for a few minutes, searching and probing with her magic, and finally she straightened, giving them both a smile.

"Looks healthy and strong, average size, about eighteen weeks," she told them. "Due in about four and a half months, I can maybe get you a more exact date if you come in for an ultrasound. Do you have any idea when it was conceived?"

Alec flinched, and shook his head, his grip on Magnus' hand almost hard enough to break fingers. Magnus made a soft, comforting noise, and gently stroked his hair. From the sound of it, he'd been raped so many times he wouldn't have any idea which time it had taken.

Catarina just nodded, and went on, "Do you want to know the sex? If it's a boy or a girl?"

Alec's eyes widened, and then he looked thoughtful. "Yes," he whispered finally, nodding.

"Well you have a beautiful baby girl," Catarina said, smiling warmly at him. "Congratulations, she's perfect."

"Oh," Alec breathed, a look of wonder on his face. He shifted a little, trying to sit up, and Magnus helped him. "A girl," Alec murmured, sounding a bit dazed, holding his stomach and rocking a little as he sat there. Magnus made a mental note to buy a rocking chair. That was another thing the nursery needed.

Speaking of which, he turned to Catarina. "Cat, we'll be turning the spare room into a nursery, I'll need your help as I have no idea what we'll need... crib, obviously, but I don't know what else."

"You are hopeless," Catarina told him fondly. "Of course I'll help. Right now, though, I have to get back to work." She rose gracefully, leaning over to kiss Magnus on the forehead, and waving at Alec. "It was nice to meet you," she told him. "Take care of each other," she added, and then she opened a portal and was gone.

Magnus let out a long sigh. "Well, that's good news," he said cheerfully, snapping his fingers to clear the tea things away. He looked over at Alec, who was still sitting quietly with his hands on his belly. He looked up, finally, giving Magnus an uncertain look.

"You really want me to stay here and make a nursery?" he asked warily, his blue eyes clouded with sadness.

"I really do," Magnus assured him, smiling softly. "You and your baby girl are welcome here, for as long as you'll let me keep you. I want you to stay, this is your home now."

Alec blinked hard, as if there were tears in his eyes, and he looked away. "I don't understand why," he said helplessly.

"You will," Magnus told him gently. "You will. In the meantime, let's get some sleep, hm?" Alec nodded absently, and Magnus carefully helped him up, relieved when Alec let him, although he didn't seem to be fully aware of what he was doing.

"Go on," Magnus said fondly, "get ready for bed, and remember you can sleep wherever you want." He moved toward his own room, stopped by Alec's quiet voice behind him.

"I - I think I want to sleep with you," he said shakily, low and rough, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt again and peering up at Magnus through his eyelashes. That was so fucking devastating, between that and his words Magnus felt punched in the gut.

"Okay," he managed to say calmly, giving Alec a warm, reassuring smile. "Just come in when you're ready." He nearly held his breath as he made his way into his own room, then closed the door and leaned against it with a long, shaky sigh. Lilith, but that boy was going to kill him yet.

He snapped his fingers to change into his nightclothes, choosing a pair of silk pajamas, not wanting to make Alec uncomfortable. He usually slept shirtless, but he didn't think that would be helpful tonight.

Sighing again, he went about his nightly routine, removing his makeup and jewelry, and was nearly done when Alec slipped in, standing awkwardly by the door, wearing a t-shirt and sweats.

"Pick a side," Magnus told him with a smile, waving at the bed. "I usually sleep here, closest to the door, but whichever you like."

"That's fine," Alec said softly, moving to the other side and sliding under the covers. Magnus finished up and joined him, snapping his fingers to turn out the lights.

Magnus turned toward him in the dark, not sure what had made him decide to sleep here and a little concerned by his tension - Alec was laying rigidly on his back, and did not look comfortable.

"Are you okay with this, sleeping here?" Magnus asked carefully. "You seem tense."

"I'm okay," Alec said, his voice rough with some kind of held back emotion. "I'll probably have nightmares and I thought... it would help, to smell you nearby."

Magnus hummed thoughtfully, he was probably right, but in that case, they were probably going to end up snuggled together before morning. Shifting carefully, he held out his arms.

"Do you want...." His voice trailed off, not sure how to say it.

Alec rolled over and looked at him, and seemed to be thinking about it anyway. "Yeah, okay," he said roughly, clearing his throat and moving gingerly into Magnus' space, seeming unsure of how to fit himself in. Magnus wrapped his arms around him gently and guided his head to Magnus' shoulder, letting him decide how close to get.

It took a few minutes, but finally they were settled with Alec's head in the crook of Magnus' neck, Magnus' arms draped around his waist, chests pressed together and hips not quite touching. It was incredibly comfortable, and Magnus sighed in contentment.

"Good?" he asked, making sure, and Alec nodded against him. They both relaxed, and Magnus laid awake for some time, just feeling it, the comfort and peace and _home_ of it, his heart aching with how full it was of feeling for the boy in his arms.

_Mine_, he thought, and prayed to Lilith he'd get to keep him. Both of them.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL THE WARNINGS for this chapter, the story earns it's ratings here - there is a nightmare dealing with graphic rape so please, take care of yourselves. If you wish to skip that scene, scroll down to where the italics end, there is a divider there.
> 
> The rest is all fluff and the comfort part of h/c, I promise. ❤️

_ When Alec turned sixteen, his mother had told him what would happen to him. She said he was old enough to breed, and would be given to an alpha when his next heat came.  _

_ He hadn't said anything, because he knew it didn't matter - whatever he said, it was going to happen anyway. His parents had tightly controlled his life since the day he presented as an omega, and there was nothing he could do.  _

_ Isabelle had been furious, and Alec could still remember the distraught look on her face as she had told him that if he didn't want it, if he didn't have a choice, it was rape, plain and simple. Alec hadn't thought of it that way, he just knew that it made him sick to think of it, and he went on refusing to think of it that way, until the day he actually went into heat.  _

_ Now, it was the only thing he could think - it was rape, and it was going to happen. An alpha was going to rape him, knot him, fill him up with come like a good little omega. Not just once but many times over the next three days. He threw up twice before his mother came to check on him, making sure he was ready, ordering him to strip and get on the bed.  _

_ He waited until she left and then did as he was told, his fingers numb and nerveless. He pulled his shirt over his head and fumbled at his pants with shaking fingers, finally getting them undone and struggling out of them, along with his underwear, already wet with slick. He tossed the clothes toward the hamper and took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart but it was useless.  _

_ For a long couple of minutes he just stared at the bed, his old familiar bed that no longer was a safe place. Eventually he forced himself to climb on to it, curling up on his side and facing the door. The heat-daze was making everything seem hazy and unreal, his body aching with need in spite of himself, but he ignored it.  _

_ His body might want an alpha, but he didn't. He didn't want any of this, but what he wanted didn't matter. The alpha was going to rape him anyway.  _

_ A few minutes or an hour later, the door opened and his mother came in with a man he didn't know, not that it was surprising since they kept him so locked up. The alpha was a big, broad-shouldered man with reddish blond hair - Alec supposed he was good-looking, of course his mother would want good genes.  _

_ Alec let the trivialities of these thoughts distract him from the sickness in his gut and the terror in his bones, but it didn't last long as the two adults approached the bed.  _

_ "This is my son Alec," Maryse said, waving a dismissive hand. "He's healthy and strong and ready to breed - he's all yours." Alec felt cut to the bone by the coldness of her voice, though he hadn't expected anything else. But this was his mother, setting him up to be raped, and she didn't care.  _

_ "Don't worry," the alpha said, already unfastening his pants to free his cock, stroking it roughly as he stared at Alec. The scent of his arousal filled the room, and Alec felt like he might choke on it. It made his body shudder with need, his empty hole aching to be filled, and he rocked a little, trying to fight his body's reaction as the voice went on.  _

_ "I'll fuck him good and hard," the man promised as he jerked himself slowly, "fill him up with come like a good little omega slut. I'm gonna shove my cock in that dripping wet cunt and knot that sweet tight hole, put my babies in him. And you're gonna love it, aren't you, pretty little slut?" he said, talking to Alec now.  _

_ Alec lost the fight with his body, letting out half a moan, half a sob as he rolled over shaking and got on his knees, the combination of alpha pheromones and the deep commanding voice dragging up to present himself to the alpha, his spread thighs dripping with slick. He could feel it gushing out of his hole and sliding down, knowing their eyes were fixed on his ass, raised high in the air.  _

_ "Such a pretty little cunt," the alpha purred. "I'm gonna fill you up and rape you like a whore."  _

_ "I'll leave you to it," Maryse said. Alec could hear the disdain in her voice, and the click of her heels as she left the room.  _

_ Alec felt dazed, unable to move or think clearly with that scent clouding the air. He was terrified and shaking with it, but frozen in place. He felt cold inside, but his body was raging with heat - the contrast twisted his stomach, not that there was anything left in it.  _

_ There was some rustling behind him, and then the bed shifted under the alpha's weight. "Look at you," the voice came again, "so wet and ready for me." Heavy hands landed on his hips, grip bruisingly tight, and Alec felt more trapped and helpless than he ever had in his life.  _

_ No, he wanted to scream, no no no, but there was something like a sob stuck in his throat and he couldn't speak, not that it would have mattered anyway.  _

_ "Fuck, you're so pretty," the alpha told him, spreading his ass with his thumbs. "Just begging for it, aren't you? Can't wait to get my huge cock rammed up your dripping wet hole, can you? Fuck, I'll give it to you, pretty little whore, gonna rape you till you scream for me."  _

_ Alec couldn't stand the suspense - was the man just admiring the way his ass looked all spread and slick? - and he wished the man would quit fucking talking, it made him feel filthy and horrible inside. He let out a gasp of terror that was more like a sob when the alpha moved, shifting his weight, and Alec felt the blunt head of his cock nudging at his hole.  _

_ "Fuck," the alpha grunted, and then Alec screamed as his entire body flared with pain, the alpha's thick cock shoved in deep and hard, all the way to the root. Alec nearly lost his balance with the force of it, and another gasping sob escaped him as he caught himself, the burning stretch in his ass taking over all his senses. He felt like he was being torn in two as the man started to move, fucking into him relentlessly, but gradually the pleasure replaced the pain.  _

_ This was what his body was craving, and it felt good on a purely physical level, but Alec felt disconnected from his body, cringing away from the experience of it. He didn't want this at all, didn't want to feel the pleasure or the pain. A little voice in his head was still screaming no, but all that left his lips were more sobs, tears leaking from his eyes as his body rocked with every thrust.  _

_ "Yeahhhh," groaned the man behind him, "fuck yeah, you feel so good, so tight and hot, fuck you're gonna feel so good when I force my knot into your tiny little fuckhole, god." The rhythm got faster, harder, sharper. "You're gonna love it, you little slut, you're gonna come with my cock in your ass and take my knot like a good little whore. I know how bad you want it." _

_ Alec groaned, trying to protest but he couldn't form words. He shook his head, unable to do anything but take it as the alpha pounded into him. His muscles clenched around the intrusion, which drew a moan from the alpha, who only fucked him faster and harder.  _

_ "Yeah, do it," the alpha said, panting. "Clench your tight hole around my huge cock, clench it hard. Fuck, such a sweet little cunt, gonna fill you up with come and plant my seed in your belly."  _

_ Alec shuddered at the idea, but it was going to happen eventually. He knew if he didn't get pregnant this heat, they would just try again next time. He was going to carry this man's baby whether he liked it or not.  _

_ Apparently mistaking his shudders for arousal, the alpha reached down to wrap a large hand around his cock, chuckling when he found it hard and leaking.  _

_ "I know you want it, baby, come on, come for me," he urged, moving his hand in time with his thrusting hips, jerking Alec off while he kept talking, pouring filth into his ears. Alec felt dizzy with it all, overwhelmed and lost, and he sobbed aloud, screaming and crying as he came all over the sheets.  _

_ "That's right, baby," the alpha grunted as his knot started to swell. "Take it, take it all like a good little whore." He thrust in hard, forcing all of his knot in and shouting in pleasure as his orgasm hit. Alec could feel the thick, hot jets of come filling up his ass, seemingly endless. The alpha moaned as he ground his knot in deeper and kept coming and coming for several minutes.  _

_ Finally he collapsed on top of Alec, his heavy weight bearing him to the mattress, the knot tugging painfully at Alec's hole until they settled. Alec felt crushed beneath the weight of the large man's body, and he struggled a bit but he could hardly breathe, much less speak. He hoped the alpha would roll them over in a minute, but his hopes were dashed when the man began snoring.  _

_ Alec stared out unseeing at his familiar room, silent tears streaming down his face. This was his life now. It was never going to end. Three days of this now, and then every three months for the rest of his life unless he was pregnant. He didn't know if that would be better or worse, couldn't imagine it. But his brain felt tired and dull, resignation and acceptance slowly sinking in.  _

_ He was in hell, and it was never going to end.  _

_ *** _

Magnus wasn't sure what woke him, whether it was the tiny whimpers of pain and fear, the sharp scent of distressed omega, or even their fledgling mate bond, but whatever it was, he jerked awake, reaching instantly to comfort before he was even fully aware. 

Alec had moved at some point during the night, and was curled away from him, his back shivering with his sobbing breaths. Magnus laid a hand on his arm, rubbing it soothingly and projecting a calming alpha scent. 

"Hey, darling, it's me, it's Magnus, you're safe now. Wake up for me, sayang, it's just a dream. You're safe and no one is going to hurt you again. Wake up, darling, you're okay, love." Alec shuddered and twitched, but he did not wake up, so finally Magnus sent a tiny spark of magic in to rouse him. He didn't want to leave Alec trapped in the nightmare, but neither did he want to shake him or shout at him. 

Alec surfaced slowly from a dark feeling of horror, smelling first a confusing, comforting scent, and then feeling a hand gently rubbing his arm. He cried out in terror, knowing that if he'd woken Roger up with his nightmares he'd get a fresh beating, but he was baffled by the scent surrounding him and didn't actually pull away. 

It smelled so good... safe, in a way that Alec had never felt safe before. The hand stayed gentle and didn't hurt him. He lay shivering for a minute, trying to figure out where he was and what was happening. It took some time for the soft, melodic voice to filter in, and even longer for that voice to become words. Soothing, comforting words. 

_ You're safe, sayang, you're okay. I'm right here, I won't let anyone hurt you. You're safe, I promise. Just a dream, sweetheart, let it go. You'll be okay, I've got you, darling. Nothing's going to hurt you again.  _

Magnus. Right. Magnus had brought him home and... a lot had happened yesterday. He'd gone to sleep beside Magnus because he'd known this would happen, and he'd hoped that he would calm down faster if he could smell that scent that was almost a feeling. It was definitely helping, but... he wanted it closer, and he was too frozen to move. 

"C-closer," he croaked out, as if he'd been screaming. 

Startled by his sudden voice, Magnus looked down at him, uncertain. Then he carefully moved closer, pressing his chest to Alec's back and sliding his hand down Alec's arm to twine their fingers together, squeezing lightly. 

"Close enough?" he whispered, his breath tickling the back of Alec's neck. Alec nodded, holding his hand close to his chest in a tight grip, and Magnus relaxed, holding him close and humming a little, hoping it would help Alec relax. 

Normally, relaxing just wasn't a thing Alec did, except when Roger was demanding sex and it hurt if he was too tense. But certainly after a nightmare like this, he couldn't relax in any way until he was left alone the next morning, after morning sex of course. 

Now, he found warmth creeping through him from the heat at his back, and the trembling that often lasted hours had stopped. He couldn't remember the last time he'd just been held like this, or if he ever had. He thought when he and Izzy had both been little, they had sometimes shared a bed because of thunderstorms or nightmares, falling asleep holding each other. But that had been ten or more years ago, it was a faded, hazy memory, as if it did not quite belong to him. 

But this man had held him until he fell asleep, and was holding him now for no other reason than Alec had asked. It was baffling. He wanted to stay tense and aware, to keep his guard up, but it felt like Magnus had somehow already slipped inside it, and he couldn't fight both the warmth and the scent around him. 

Gradually his body relaxed, and he sighed deeply, rolling onto his back to look up at Magnus. "Thank you," he whispered, feeling shy for some reason. Magnus knew the worst things about him already, surely a nightmare hadn't been a surprise. Embarrassed, he let go of the hand he was still clinging to. 

"You are welcome, sayang," Magnus told him, giving in to the impulse to kiss his forehead. "I will do anything I can for you." He reached up slowly, and carefully, almost reverently brushed Alec's hair back, sliding his fingers through it in soothing strokes. Alec's eyes fluttered closed, and Magnus let out a breath, relieved that he was allowed to touch. 

"Are you able to go back to sleep?" he asked softly. Alec shook his head without opening his eyes. 

"No, but I'll be fine," he murmured. "Sorry for waking you." 

"Don't be sorry," Magnus told him, "I would rather be here for you. I wouldn't want you to go through that alone." 

Alec winced, turning his face away as it creased with pain and desperation. "I've always been alone," he said in a strained voice. He couldn't imagine what it would be like, to not be alone. Even now, with Magnus' warmth resting beside him, he felt... disconnected. 

Something in him was reaching back for that warmth, that solidity, but he was too afraid to let it. He couldn't allow himself to make a real connection and have it torn away, and he couldn't believe that he would be allowed to keep it. No one had ever wanted that from him before. He had just been... something convenient to be used. 

Magnus saying he could stay, that he wanted to keep him, just didn't compute. That he would want that, and mean it, were completely foreign ideas to Alec. 

"You're not alone anymore," Magnus assured him in a soft but firm voice. He let his fingers trail down Alec's face where it was turned away, stroking his cheek and jawline with the back of his hand. "I'm with you, I'll always be with you. I'm yours." His hand drifted down to rest on Alec's chest, over his heart. "You belong here, with me. Both of you do," he said gently. 

After a moment, he realised that Alec was crying, silently, his cheeks wet with tears though he neither moved nor made a sound. Magnus bit his lip, then reached for Alec's shoulder, tugging him over to face him and tucking Alec's face into his neck, wrapping him up and holding him close, rubbing his back as he cried. 

Magnus had no words for this, nothing that could make it better, but he rocked Alec against him and sang softly to him in French and Indonesian, quiet songs of peace and home and hope. 

Alec clung to the warmth surrounding him and tried to stop the useless tears, but every soft touch and quiet melody brought fresh tears. No one had ever treated him this carefully before, touched him with so much care. He didn't understand why Magnus was doing it now. It confused him, even if something yearning inside him wanted it just as badly. 

Finally he seemed to run out of tears, and shifted away reluctantly so that Magnus would know he could stop... whatever. 

Magnus stopped singing, and allowed Alec to roll onto his back again, but his hands lingered, touching Alec's arm and rubbing it gently, the other coming up to stroke traces of tears from his cheeks. 

"You're so beautiful," he sighed wistfully, one hand cupping Alec's cheek while the other slid down his arm to squeeze his hand. 

Alec gave him a confused look and shook his head. "I'm not, not compared to you," he muttered. 

Magnus smiled a little. "Why thank you, darling, but I assure you that you are. When you scrunch your nose like that --" He tapped it as Alec did just that. "--it makes me want to kiss you silly." 

Alec's eyes widened and he looked away, feeling himself blush in the darkness. Magnus wanted to kiss him? Why? Alec had never been kissed, which he was kind of grateful for, that Roger had never wanted that from him. He'd never felt like he wanted to kiss someone, had no idea what it was like. 

Did he want to kiss Magnus? It was something lovers did, mates did probably, so that made sense. He wondered why Magnus hadn't kissed him then, if he wanted to. Was it like sex? Something he wouldn't do unless Alec wanted him to? 

He looked back at Magnus in some curiosity, feeling a bit grounded by the fact that Magnus was holding his hand again, rubbing gently at the back of it with his thumb. He was still smiling, so Alec cleared his throat. He meant to ask the questions, to find out how it worked, what Magnus wanted, but instead he found himself saying, "You can, if you want...."

Magnus blinked at him, and the grip on his hand tightened. Alec worried briefly that he'd said something wrong, blushing as he added hurriedly, "No one ever wanted to, before, so I - I don't know how, I didn't think--" He cut himself off, holding his breath as Magnus leaned closer, studying him with dark eyes. 

"No one?" Magnus asked, feeling stunned. "You've never been kissed at all?" That was, sadly, easy to believe, given the parts of Alec's life that he was aware of, but still. It left him breathless. Alec had said he could, but he whispered anyway, "I - Can I? Are you sure?" 

Alec just nodded, and Magnus let his breath out in a soft sigh as he leaned in, brushing their lips together gently, then again, more firmly. He didn't really expect Alec to respond, instead focusing on giving him the best, soft, chaste kiss that he could. He wanted it to be a good memory, if it was the first time Alec had kissed anyone. 

To his surprise he felt Alec's hands on his face, a soft, feathery touch as Alec's lips moved, kissing him back, clumsy but so sweet. Magnus let it go on for longer than he meant to, their lips parting briefly only to meet again, and again, with soft gasping breaths between them. 

Eventually he came to his senses because he wanted more, finding himself nibbling at Alec's lower lip and teasing the corner of his mouth with his tongue. Alec gasped in surprise, and Magnus pulled back abruptly. 

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to take it that far," he said, watching Alec worriedly. 

"What?" Alec asked, his tongue feeling thick in his mouth. He felt a little dazed, having that gentle pressure on his lips that unexpectedly felt so good, suddenly taken away. "Was it not good?" He knew nothing about kissing, he might be terribly bad at it. 

"No, darling, it was lovely," Magnus assured him, his face softening. "Thank you for giving me the honour of being your first." 

Alec blinked at him, not sure how to respond to that. "I - I liked it," he admitted shyly. "You didn't have to stop."

"I think I did," Magnus replied, smiling ruefully as he leaned down to rest his forehead against Alec's. "Kissing with tongues is more intimate, and can be like a prelude to sex, which we are not ready for. We can try it sometime if you want, but not right now." 

Alec still felt confused, wondering why not now, and also what it had to do with sex, but his lips were still tingling and he was content to lick them experimentally, humming to himself. 

"Okay," he murmured, feeling amazingly relaxed and warm. He wondered how Magnus did it, making him feel so safe. But he tensed up again when Magnus moved, laying back down on his side and letting go of Alec's hand to rest his own on Alec's stomach, covering the baby bump. 

"Shh," Magnus murmured, "is this okay? I'm just saying hi."

After a minute Alec nodded, watching him warily, not sure what to think. Magnus had said they were both safe here, that he would protect them, but why would he care about the baby? It was nothing but a burden for him. 

Magnus just lay there quietly, pressed close and rubbing gently at Alec's stomach, murmuring softly in Indonesian, telling the little girl welcome and assuring her that she would be beautiful and they would both love her, always and forever. 

Alec blinked back tears without knowing why, hearing affection in Magnus' voice even if he didn't know what the words meant. 

"You don't have to--" he began, but Magnus' soft voice interrupted. 

"Shh, sayang, I want to. She is part of you, my mate, of course I am going to love her," he said matter of factly, as if that wasn't the most astonishing thing Alec had ever heard. 

"You can't," he said desperately, "you can't!" He felt as if he were going to cry again, and swallowed hard against the tears. 

"Shhh," Magnus said again, kissing his temple and lifting his hand to stroke his hair. "Shh, I can, and I do. I know it's hard, sayang, but I love you, and I love your baby. She will be part of us, and she will be so loved. You don't have to be afraid anymore." 

"I've always been afraid," Alec said, heaving a breath that was more like a sob. Magnus' fingers were soft in his hair, lips warm against his temple. He didn't know how to stop being afraid, even here, in warmth and safety. He couldn't help fearing it would all be taken away. 

"I know," Magnus said gently, "I know. But you are safe now, both of you are safe. I swear on my life that no one will hurt you ever again." He tugged Alec back into his arms again, turning him to face him and letting him hide against his shoulder, hugging him tight. 

"You are safe," he promised. "I love you and I will be here, always, always for you." 

Alec shuddered at the words, but slowly relaxed again, the alluring scent of Magnus soothing his nerves. Was he really safe here? Could he really believe that Magnus loved him and wanted to keep him, for always? It seemed impossible that the nightmare of his life could be over, and yet he was still alive. 

"I'll stay," he promised in a soft, rough voice, as he had once before. It was all he could give - for as long as Magnus wanted him, he would stay. "I'll stay with you." 

Exhausted, he let himself drift, back towards sleep but not quite. Just drowsing and letting the warmth sink in. It was definitely better than any other time he'd woken from a nightmare. Magnus' hands were warm on his back, tracing soothing patterns, and he focused on that, rather than letting any of the dark thoughts back in. For now, there was peace.


End file.
